Not Exactly Domestic Bliss
by ImNotAPsychopath
Summary: Castiel takes a quiz to find out if his family is heading towards 'Domestic Bliss'. Team Free-Will. Implied smut but none actually there.


Castiel looked aimlessly around the waiting room of a local dentist's office, trying to "act normal" as he'd been told by Dean to do so many times. It was difficult, especially as he didn't particularly understand the things that Dean considered normal and Dean was not very good at clarifying his expectations. This morning, for example, the conversation had gone like this. "Just…act normal this time, okay? Last time you almost got us arrested."

"I was simply informing the man that he was interfering with the will of God…"

"You told him that if he didn't hand over the slingshot you would have the entire town destroyed."

"If it got into the wrong hands, a lot more than one town would be destroyed, Dean. Have you any idea how much force David's slingshot produces? It took down a giant…"

"I thought we were past destroying entire towns to save Heaven's ass," Dean retorted.

"Would you rather Crowley end up with a weapon in his possession capable of more destruction than a nuclear bomb?"

It was at this point that Sam stepped in, holding up a hand to calm Dean and curling his arm around Castiel. "We understand how important it is to return these weapons to Heaven, Cas," he said, giving Dean what Castiel had termed "the look" because all it took was one from Sam and Dean backed off. This time was no different. Dean had opened his mouth to say something, but closed it instead, crossing his arms and glaring at his brother and Castiel. "We're just saying let us handle finding them," Sam continued. "We want people to cooperate and they'll only cooperate if they don't think we're completely insane." Castiel still didn't understand how lying to obtain the information that you wanted and then breaking into people's houses was somehow a better alternative to simply telling the truth but Sam was kissing him now, his tongue licking along Castiel's lips before pushing against them, demanding entrance. Under the assault from Sam's mouth, Castiel found he couldn't remember what he had been saying anyway. Apparently Dean agreed because he heard a soft groan and in the next minute he was behind Castiel, hands tugging at his trench coat, his own lips exploring the contours of Castiel's neck. When he found a spot that caused Castiel to gasp he bit down and began suckling and biting. Castiel wrapped his hands in Sam's hair and deepened the kiss they were sharing, his hands slipping underneath Sam's shirt and making their way along the hard muscles of his stomach and chest, stopping to tease and pinch at Sam's nipples. A cough from the woman across from him brought Castiel back to the waiting room and he realized too late that he had let his thoughts get away from him. His cock was now straining uncomfortably against the fabric of his pants, loudly announcing his arousal to anyone paying attention. He shifted in his chair, attempting to find a less confining position. The woman made a loud noise of disapproval and then stood up and moved to a different place in the waiting room. Castiel ignored Dean's warning look and adjusted his trench coat, looking around for something to keep his thoughts occupied so that he didn't draw any more unwanted attention to himself. Everyone in the waiting room, it seemed, was looking at a magazine. Deducing that reading magazines must be the "normal" thing to do in this particular situation, Castiel reached down and picked up the first one that he saw. Without even stopping to look at what he'd picked up, he flipped it open to a page somewhere in the middle. In large bold letters at the top of the page were the words "Is Your Family Headed for Domestic Bliss?"

He sat back in his chair and began reading. "Does your family have its act together or is it about to implode? Answer a few questions to find out if you've achieved domestic bliss or are still a work in progress. This quiz will let you know how close you are to the perfect family." The article posed an interesting question and Castiel found himself wondering where the family he had formed on Earth with Sam and Dean fell on the spectrum. Curious now, he looked up to where Sam and Dean were still standing at the reception counter. A woman in scrubs was motioning for them to go with her. "Stay here," Sam mouthed as he turned to follow her down the hallway.

"Act normal," was Dean's contribution before he followed his brother. It looked like he was going to be there awhile. He returned his attention to the magazine in front of him and read the first question.

**Question 1: **What is your usual weekend activity with your family?

Zoning out in front of the TV for 10 hours

Playing Frisbee with the dog at the park

Screaming about housework until the cops are called

Castiel considered the possible responses. None of them were a very good fit for what he, Sam and Dean usually did on the weekends but as their typical activities frequently resulted in the cops being called on them, he circled "c" and moved on to the next question.

**Question 2: **How does your family typically behave when dining out?

Restaurant patrons liken your eating style to animals in the wild

You can keep it together as long as there are breadsticks at the table

Waiters fight over the chance to serve your well-mannered table

Castiel thought about the fervor with which Dean typically attacked his bacon cheeseburger and apple pie, then to the way Sam picked at his salad. The former was like a pack of wolves digging into its kill; the latter more like a rabbit or a bird. Both were wild animals, so he circled "a" and continued.

**Question 3: **When you hear "family vacation" what do you think of?

Cherished memories

An expensive way to bond

Sociological experiment gone wrong

He had never had a family vacation with Sam or Dean but he remembered them telling him about what had happened on the last one they'd taken in California. They had stumbled across a set where ghosts were being summoned to kill people. None of the options listed seemed to adequately describe what he'd heard about the experience, but judging from the look on Sam's face when Dean was recalling sleeping with the film's star, cherished memories was definitely not accurate. Since Dean and Sam had used fake credit cards to finance the trip and it didn't seem to bring them any closer together, "an expensive way to bond" wasn't accurate. Castiel circled "c".

**Question 4:** Who is the black sheep in your relationship?

Your brother. Or maybe your sister. This one is too tough to answer.

There are no black sheep in your family.

Who isn't the black sheep in the family?

Castiel didn't even have to think about this one.

**Queston 5: ** Your home reminds people of what?

A landfill

A battle zone

A theme park

This one also required no thought.

**Question 6: **Your family has a garage sale. What are some of the items up for sale?

Trophies from last year's Greatest Family in the World competition

Family albums and photographs

Outdated furniture and ugly clothes

The list of options did not include "rock salt, ammo, and old guns" so Castiel thought of the motel rooms that he, Sam and Dean stayed in then looked down at the trench coat and suit that he wore and chose "c".

**Question 7: **What type of music does your family listen to in the car?

Who needs music when there's stimulating conversation to be had?

Since nobody can settle on a station, there's no music allowed.

Who can tell? The music isn't audible over the screaming.

"Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cakehole," Castiel said automatically with a smile. He'd heard Dean say it to Sam often enough over the years and heard Sam throw it gleefully right back at Dean when Dean was too tired to keep driving and Sam was allowed to take over. But as with all of the questions, none of the answers quite fit his family. Since "a" and "b" both mean there's no music in the car—and that's definitely wrong—he went with c. After tallying up his score, he flipped the page and scanned until he found the result corresponding to his score.

Before he could read the result, Dean's voice was asking "What are you reading?" Looking up, Castiel found that Dean and Sam had finished whatever business they had with the dentist and were now standing beside him in the waiting room.

"Nothing," he responded, closing the magazine and shoving it inside his trench coat. "Are you ready to go?" Sam and Dean exchanged glances but they didn't argue.

Castiel waited until they were back at the motel and Sam and Dean were both properly occupied with other interests—Sam was on his computer, researching Castiel assumed. Dean was zoned out in front of the TV watching an episode of Dr. Sexy—before he pulled out the quiz. After a minute of flipping he located their result and began to read. "Domestic bliss? Try domestic miss!" His face fell. "Your family definitely loves drama. Perhaps separate vacations or multiple TV remote controls will restore peace to your war-torn home. The only solution is to leave or find a good therapist and try to deal with the dysfunction." Castiel was so caught up in reading what the quiz had to say about their family that he didn't hear Dean until he was right beside him. "This was the magazine you were looking at in the dentist's office, right? What are you reading?" Castiel tried to move the magazine out of Dean's reach but he wasn't fast enough. Dean grabbed the magazine out of his hand. "Is your family headed for domestic bliss?" he read, making a face. "Castiel, I thought I told you to act normal. That means not acting like a douchebag."

"Give that back," Castiel said, reaching for the magazine.

Dean held it out of reach. "So how'd we do?" Dean teased, ignoring Castiel. "Let me guess. 'You've made it! Domestic bliss is yours.'"

Castiel looked at Dean. Clearly Dean had been laboring under the same illusions as he had if he thought that their little family had attained domestic bliss. He took a deep breath and opened his mouth to set the record straight. He didn't want to hurt Dean or Sam but felt it was only fair to both of them that he share the insight on their relationship that he had gained. After all, the only way to fix the problems was to admit that they were there. "We got 'Domestic bliss? Try domestic miss'," Castiel informed Dean. Sam and Dean burst out laughing. Castiel stared at the two brothers incredulously. How could they be laughing at a time like this? He had just informed them that their relationship was not going to last. "Why are you laughing?" Castiel asked. "I really don't see what's funny about this."

Sam stopped laughing. "Dean," he said, "I think Cas is genuinely upset about this."

"Of course I am!" Castiel cried, wondering how the brothers could possibly think he would feel otherwise. "We are going to end up breaking up if we don't address our problems."

"Come on, Cas. It's just a Cosmo quiz," Dean said. "It doesn't mean anything."

"Yeah, Cas," Sam agreed. "I mean…maybe for a normal family it might give some insight but come on. None of these answers even apply to us. I can't remember the last time we had a family vacation."

"The trip to LA," Dean supplied.

"That doesn't count," Sam argued. "We ended up working a job."

"Only because you wouldn't just shut up and enjoy yourself."

"What was I supposed to do, act like ghosts weren't terrorizing a movie set and go hang out with Mickey at the Magic Kingdom?"

"Be nice if we could just once," Dean said. His voice sounded sullen now.

"My point exactly!" Sam said. "We can't, Dean. There's always some monster out there that needs ganking. We can't just take a family vacation like normal people." He turned to Castiel. "And look at this one, Cas. If we were to hold a garage sale we'd probably have the FBI called on us."

"Are you trying to make me feel better?" Castiel asked.

"No," Dean said. Sam glared at Dean. "What, Sam? I mean it. I'd rather be spoon-fed alive to a ghoul than have to defend the relationship I have with the two of you to anyone. Least of all ONE of you."

"Come on, Dean," Sam cajoled. "I know you hate talking about this stuff but look at him. I think he really believes this thing." Castiel didn't particularly care for the way Sam and Dean were talking about him as though he wasn't there but something Sam said had apparently gotten through to Dean because he heaved a sigh and sat down beside Castiel and began tracing small circles around the small of Castiel's back. A small sigh escaped Castiel's lips at the sensation. He loved when Dean touched him like that.

"Look Cas. I already know we invented the term dysfunction. I don't need a damn quiz to tell me that. And neither should you. I mean, what were you thinking? You're an angel. I've been to Hell. Sam played host to Lucifer. Did you think the lives we lead qualify as domestic bliss?"

Castiel didn't respond. He knew everything Dean was saying was true, but he still thought that in spite of it all, they'd managed to carve out something beautiful. "What are you saying, Dean?" Castiel asked. "That you're unhappy with me? With Sam? Are you? Are you unhappy too, Sam?"

"No!" Sam and Dean stated in unison.

"Why is this so important to you, Cas?" Sam asked, kneeling down in front of him and taking his hands.

Castiel looked down, watching as Sam's fingers rubbed along his knuckles and up over the back of his hands. "Because," he said quietly. "Because…I've seen what happens in a dysfunctional family, okay? I've seen the pain it causes. I've felt the pain it causes. My brothers…" Here, he paused, swallowing back the emotion that was threatening to spill out. "They disowned me. They threw me out of my home and told me I wasn't welcome back and why? Because I made a choice they didn't agree with. Gabriel ran away rather than deal with the issues. My brothers have killed each other and I can't… I can't go through that again. And this quiz says that's where we're heading." Neither Sam nor Dean spoke for a moment. Dean moved closer to Castiel on the bed, caressing along the edge of his jawline as Sam lifted Castiel's hands to his lips and began peppering kisses along the lines his fingers had just been tracing.

"That isn't going to happen to us, Castiel," Sam said. "If we disowned one another for making choices the other disagreed with, none of us would be here right now. We're different. I mean…" and here Sam had to pause to clear his throat. "If anyone should be rejected because of the stupid choices they've made, it's me. I started the damn Apocalypse, Cas but you and Dean…you're still here." When his eyes met Castiel's, Castiel felt his breath catch in his throat. He wasn't sure he'd ever seen Sam so open…so vulnerable before. He looked half-terrified that by saying the words out loud, Castiel and Dean would both realize he was right and walk away. He tightened his grip on Sam's hands.

"I would never do that, Sam. You've more than done your penance for that." Sam looked down, but Castiel saw the slightest glimmer of tears there before Sam's hair fell over his face. Castiel lifted his finger and brushed lightly at Sam's eye. A small shudder ran through Sam's body.

"Exactly," Dean said. "We've all made stupid mistakes but this…" Here Dean trailed off and waved his hands around, motioning at each of them in turn as he searched for the right word. "This…thing between us, it's bigger than that. So who cares what a quiz in Cosmo thinks about us?"

"Yes. What Dean said," Sam agreed, his voice steady now. "So can we please stop talking about this quiz?" Castiel looked down at Sam's fingers still entwined with his then closed his eyes and allowed himself to take in everything about this moment. The feel of Dean's breath against his neck, the warmth of Sam's body where it pressed against his own, the smell of earth and cheap fabric softener and cologne all mingling together in a way that was uniquely Sam and Dean. It felt like home. This—the three of them, together, whether they were arguing or laughing or fighting heaven and hell—this was home. He opened his eyes to find both Sam and Dean watching him now. He nodded slowly.

"Good," Dean said. Taking the magazine away from Castiel, he stood up and walked over to the garbage can, tossing it in with a quick flick of his wrist. When he returned to the bed his eyes roved over Sam and Castiel, his expression becoming almost predatory. Castiel could feel desire beginning to pool in the pit of his stomach. "Because I can think of things I'd much rather do than look at Cosmo."

After, when they were lying sated in the bed, arms and legs tangled around each other, Castiel's head nestled against Sam's chest, Dean's arm and hand draped over him protectively, he smiled. He couldn't explain their relationship; he didn't even want to try. He just knew that what they had—everything that they shared—was perfect for them exactly because of its imperfection. It may not meet the normal definition of "domestic bliss", but it worked for them and in the end, that was all that mattered anyway.


End file.
